Short Takes

What's the difference between a golfer and a parachutist?

A golfer goes whack...fuck.

A parachutist goes...fuck...whack.

Oral Sex after the age of 65... 

65 year old man and wife pass each other in the hallway.. One says "Fuck You" and the other says "Fuck you too"...

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to 
visit her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree.
"Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got u. And I'm gonna eat u!"
"Eat! Eat! Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it! Doesn't 
anybody fuck anymore?"

What's the difference between a shit and fuck? After a shit you don't have to kiss the turd. 

Bumper Sticker: 
"I'd love to fuck your brains out, but it looks as if somebody has beaten
me to it..."

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served. One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, "Who turned on the fucking lights!?"

"Oh, no, sir, " the nearest flight attendant replied. "Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the 'fucking lights'."